Mischief Night
by Wolfish Oro
Summary: A bet, three pranks, vampires, werewolves, insanity... All in a mischief night in the lives of our favorite vampires...
1. Emmett

Mischief Night 

((Third Person))

* * *

It started, as it nearly always did for the Cullens, with a bet.

The subject? Pranks. The actual bet? "I bet you I can prank those dogs better than you!" At stake? The losers were to be sent to Alice, Rosalie, and Bella for makeovers.

Sounds simple, right? It also sounds like something a five year old might say- so of course it was Emmett who issued the challenge...

But it was Jasper and Edward who took him up on it.

* * *

_**Emmett**_

It was Emmett who started- he put forth the challenge, of course he went first. That was why he was at the border with a hammer, a stack of signs, and a box of nails. He took a deep breath he didn't even need, then got started.

It was tough, since he had to stay ahead of the patrol, but all he had to do was hold up a sign and nail and tap it lightly with the hammer; Emmett's strength drove the nail through the sign into the tree with very little difficulty. He put up one sign every quarter mile or so until he ran out of signs, racing to keep from being caught by the werewolf patrol.

When his task was complete, Emmett stepped off the line into vampire territory and headed back home, grinning smugly. He could hear the dogs' furious howls and laughed.

"Well?" Jasper asked as Emmett arrived.

"He succeeded," Edward answered.

"What'd he do for his prank?' Carlisle queried. He'd discoraged the trio at first, before realising nothing he said would effect the bet in the long run.

Alice piped up, "He hung up signs saying, _'No Dogs Allowed'_."

* * *

Oro: Obviously three chapters to this, stay tuned. I should have this done by Sunday, since I know what I'm going to type.  
Quill: (twitches) Oro.  
Oro: Yes, yes, Thy Bog Overfloweth waiteth patiently. I'll work on it over the weekend, and anyway, YOU put this idea in my head, you silly muse!  
Quill: For LATER! Stupid author.  
Oro: (ignoring Quill and his comments) I don't own Twilight or its characters.  
Quill: Or me.  
Oro: Well, I don't have a copyright yet, but I'm working on it.  
Quill: You are my author, get the possessive stuff right. It's like claiming ownership of a cat.  
Oro: But you're an owl!  
Quill: (to readers) Since this weirdo already has it written, you might as well review. It is why the button is there, after all, and who knows... Perhaps ideas would let her extend the story to the wolves' retaliation. 


	2. Jasper

Mischief Night 

((Third Person))

It started, as it nearly always did for the Cullens, with a bet.

The subject? Pranks. The actual bet? "I bet you I can prank those dogs better than you!" At stake? The losers were to be sent to Alice, Rosalie, and Bella for makeovers.

Sounds simple, right? It also sounds like something a five year old might say- so of course it was Emmett who issued the challenge...

But it was Jasper and Edward who took him up on it.

* * *

Jasper

The package was wrapped, the address filled out, and the stamps were stamped on to the box. Jasper gave the box to Edward, who passed it along to Bella, who gave it to Charlie that night after he got home from work. It was a Friday night, and Charlie was headed to La Push to go fishing with Billy the next morning; it was highly convieniant and Jasper intended to make the most of the coincidence.

Charlie, being a good messanger, gave the box to Jake as Bella had asked him to. She'd included a note from Jasper- that was also given to Jake, with instructions not to open either until he was with the rest of the pack. The note read as follows:

_Dear Dogs-_

_I'm sure you will find this useful. Make the best of them, mutts._

It was unsigned, but the wolves knew who it was from because Bella had called earlier telling them Jasper sent a package and she wanted to know what was in it after the pack openned their 'mail'.

Jake was the one who impatiently tore the box open. He was subsequently the first to see its contents, and he was not amused.

Inside were flea collars, flea and tick medication, mange medication, a flyer about spaying and neutering, another flyer informing people of the importance of keeping your dog's rabies shots up to date, and a bag of Milk Bones. Another note fell out, and this one said simply _Enjoy.

* * *

_

Oro: Short, but to the point. I changed my mind-  
Quill: That's a first! Ms. Stubborn _changed her mind-_  
Oro: Quiet, Quill. Anyway, this story will take longer than originally thought because it would be fun to write the makeover for the losers. To do that, I'll need you to vote on the best prank after I post Edward's, m'kay? Just giving you a heads up.  
Quill: By the bye, she doesn't own Twilight, its characters, or Milk Bones. 


	3. Edward

Mischief Night 

((Third Person))

It started, as it nearly always did for the Cullens, with a bet.

The subject? Pranks. The actual bet? "I bet you I can prank those dogs better than you!" At stake? The losers were to be sent to Alice, Rosalie, and Bella for makeovers.

Sounds simple, right? It also sounds like something a five year old might say- so of course it was Emmett who issued the challenge...

But it was Jasper and Edward who took him up on it.

* * *

Edward

By the time it was Edward's turn, the pack was fed up with the entire thing, and Jake (as Edward knew very well) would soon be visiting Bella. Sam probably hoped Jake could 'win her over' and that she could convince the Cullen boys to knock it off.

Oh, how very wrong they were.

Bella had decided, after hearing about the package from Jasper, to stay out of the entire ordeal until it was time to do the makeovers with Alice and Rosalie. That, she had decided, would be fun. So Bella was as neutral in the entire affair as she ever was to vampire and wolves.

Since her house was also neutral territory, Edward decided it would be an excellent place to strike. As Bella slept Saturday night, having overheard her declarations to Jake that she was not participating in this, Edward snuck outside. He would rather be watching Bella as usual, but this was an opportunity that was too good to miss- despite what Bella and his family might say, Edward was an opportunist, but he selected which choice he'd act on very carefully... most of the time.

First things first- Edward unpacked assorted paraphernalia from the trunk of his Volvo. He spread his pranking equipment out on the lawn and considered them. Upon selecting four, he repacked the rest and set to work.

He set the sign in the ground carefully, right by the street but clearly visible from the woods surrounding Bella's house- especially if you were travelling from La Push's general direction.

With that completed, he looked for a tree that would serve his purpose as best as possible. He screwed the hook in silently, then hung the other two items with care. He took an index card from his pocket, lamenated to protect it against the rain, and hung it, too, on the hook in the tree.

Then he returned to Bella to wait out the rest of the night and watch the scene play out.

When Jake arrived the next day, the new sign caught his attention while he was still in wolf form. The rest of the pack felt his curiosity and encouraged him to find out what it was, still phased. He loped over and sat before the sign to read it. Mixed feelings, the most prominent being shock and anger, spread through him and the others as they learned what was written on the sign.

_Forks reminds you that we have a leash law and that it will be reinforced. Keep all dogs leashed or they will be sent to the pound and the owner will be fined._

A glint of light in the tree next to Bella's house alerted Jake that there was more to this. He crept forward, suspicious, then reared onto his hind legs to see what was gleaming.

He nearly put his eye out on the hook, and was unsuprised to see Edwrad's handwriting on the card hung there. Jake ripped it off with his teeth and dropped it to the ground to read it.

_You might need these now, mutt. Beware the dog catchers, Bella would try to make me bail you out... And I wouldn't do that, even for Bella._

The other two items hung cheerily on the hook- a leash and collar, both a vivd orange with little grinning bats on them.

The howls of the pack were heard in the distance, and Edward, from the kitchen, heard Jake's soft snarl, even if Bella didn't. While listening to Jake crash back into the woods and thunder back towards La Push, Edward gave a very wicked grin and dazzled Bella when she asked what he was gloating over.

* * *

Oro: I like Edward's the best.  
Quill: That's why you wrote it for Edward.  
Oro: (sighs) I could have written it for Jasper, but I wish Emmett could have thought of this on his own and stay in character... things like this are right up his alley. Ah, well. Readers, now's the time to vote: who's the Prankster King and who gets sent to ther girls? I'll leave this open until Wednesday, then I'm writing the final chapter.  
Quill: Keep in mind she doesn't own squat.  
Oro: Thank you for your kind words, Quill! (to readers) If you don't review, I can't finish this, so you really need to cooperate with me this time. Even if it's just one word: Emmett or Jasper or Edward, so I know who you think was the best.


	4. Votes are in

People, listen up! I have, so far, two votes for Emmett, two for Jasper (one was told to me verbally, at school), and two for Edward. Either some other readers need to review, or I'm just going to write the last chapter however I want! Remember, this is a democracy until I manage to take over the world. Get your opinions in, before I become Empress of Earth and you have no say over such things. 

Thank you for your time, and for muse's sake, vote!


	5. Voting Over!

Mischief Night 

Votes Closed!

The vote for this was _really_ close. Edward lost by two, if my count is right (which it might not be, since it is Hell Week for Techies and actors right now... brain dead! Ahhhhh!) I was suprised by the amount of Emmett suporters; I really didn't think his prank came out as well as it could have. This could be because I wrote Emmett's at twelve thirty AM. And for anyone who cares enough to go check the reviews for the votes- I got several verbal responses, so those factor in as well.

I hope to have the last chapter up by Saturday, and if it isn't, it'll be up Sunday. If you'll excuse me, I also have a few drabbles up my sleeve to type...


	6. Torture, Revenge, and other Funny Stuff

Mischief Night-- Finale

((Third Person))

_(Just a reminder, Jasper won. And Bella may be a little bit out of character... Oh well. On with the story!)_

Jasper was setting up a video recorder, and Esme and Carlisle were camped in the living room with cameras. Bella was looking skeptically at the makeup kit Alice had given her, while Alice and Rosalie cackled evilly over outfits and shoes.

"Bella! Come here a moment, please. And for goodness sake, Bella, I would have told you if you poke Edward's eye out, so stop fidgeting." Alice waved Bella over to join the two vampires by the clothes racks.

"Now, Bella, we have a list of outfits for you to chose from- you get to chose six, and there's fifteen on there, so choose carefully. And remember- we don't want to warn Edward what he's in for, so don't tell either of us and pick nine so Alice can't have a vision about Edward." Rosalie's attitude was far more welcoming towards Bella than it ever had been, and Bella hoped it would stay that way as she took the clip board from Alice.

Jasper leaned casually against the wall, looking nonchalant, but every so often an unexpected surge of triumph would wash over the girls, and he would grin half-sheepish, half-victoriously at the girls when they turned to look at him.

Alice was focusing on Esme's future when a vision of Edward and Emmett popped up and she squealed before laughing. Bella and Rosalie looked up from the clothes racks and raised one eyebrow simultaneously, making Alice laugh harder.

"Bella, Rose... Oh jeez, I wish I could tell you about it, you two, but let's just say that you two are in for a lot of fun. Especially you, Rose..." Alice managed to wheeze this out on strained breaths she didn't truly need.

Edward and Emmett got home from the trip Alice had sent them on, laden with parcels from the post office in Seattle. Alice rushed forward grabbing the boxes eagerly, using her unnatural speed to open them and hang the clothes on another rack, bare until now, leaving one box unopened.

The 'losers' (as Jasper so eloquently put it) stood ackwardly in the center of what used to be a guest bedroom that had been transformed into something that looked a lot like the costume and makeup room of a theatre.

"Bella..." Edward sounded hesitant. "How bad is this going to be? Should I prepare to run off in shame?"

"Yes." The response came from all three girls, and Jasper.

"And don't try to dazzle your way out of this one," Bella warned him. "You lost all sympathy the moment you pulled that stunt at my house. That's 'neutral' land, Edward. Now Jake refuses to come over, because you offended him and the rest of the pack."

"And that's a bad thing?" Emmett quieried.

"Of course it is! Jake Black is my _friend_, and you three insulted him. Which is why the wolves at La Push will be recieving copies of the videos..." Jasper started roaring with laughter, and the whole 'if looks could kill' thing cropped up as Emmett and Edward stared at Bella.

"And the last laugh's on _you_, Jasper, since you will be writing a letter of apology to each of the werewolves, and don't think you're going to get backup from Alice on this one, she's agreed that you need to tell them how contrite you are about insulting them with those flyers." Jasper stopped laughing immediately, and had he not been a vampire, he would have paled drastically.

"I will be reading it before I give it to Bella to take to La Push, so watch what you write, Jasper," Alice warned her husband.

"Now then, we don't want to keep Esme and Carlisle waiting," Rosalie said in a sickly-sweet voice. "Come on, boys, it's time to get started! Jasper, you can start filming now."

Bella pulled Edward over to a stool, which he gingerly sat down on. She looked at her list and snickered; she wanted to do the one- Jake would be laughing about it for a long, _long_ time- but she decided to start more simply. Bella walked over to the clothes rack, half watching Rosalie apply Emmett's makeup while Alice was rooting through the clothes.

"Here, Bella," Alice said with a wink. "Nice starting choice!"

Bella grinned in response, and saluted crisply. She took the clothes Alice held out to her and skipped back to Edward, only tripping once.

Edward was giving her a look akin to a kicked puppy, but Bella merely tsked softly. "You're the one who agreed to the bet," she told him "So don't come crying to me." She handed the clothes to him and sent him off to the adjoining bathroom to change.

"Bella, this really isn't funny," Edward called through the door.

"To you, maybe. I find it hilarious."

Edward openned the door and walked through slowly. "It's not _that_ bad, Edward," Bella said, exhasperated. "You don't even have to have makeup done this time... just a hat." Edward sat stiffly on the stool so that Bella could pin the hat in place, and Jasper zoomed in on the recorder to get a close up. Emmett was dressed exactly the same, and the two walked side by side to face Esme and Carlisle, followed by Jasper with the video camera.

"Oh how c_ute_! Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum!" Esme called out, snapping pictures. The Tweedles were wearing white dress shirts, brown slacks with suspenders, and the most humiliating hats- round, with little spinners on the top.

"Don't worry, boys," Rosalie called from the makeover room. "You haven't seen anything, yet."

* * *

_Emmett's actually being fairly cooperative,_ Bella thought idly as she carefully applied the eyeliner and mascara. _I wonder what Rosalie threatened to do to him if he didn't behave..._ Edward was being really good about not flinching every time the applicators came anywhere near his eyes. Bella, on the other hand, was very nervous about it and thus, very, very careful. Alice was snickering as Edward scowled, and Emmett snorted when Bella finally finished.

"It's about time, Bella!" Jasper called. Alice elbowed him sharply, and he nearly dropped the recorder. "Hey! Mind the video camera!"

Edward refused to say a word as he rose gracefully and moved into the living room to face the flashing lights of the digital cameras. This was the third outfit he'd been forced into, and the baggy pants, tight shirt, and chains did not suit him. At all. Or so he thought, Bella told him he looked fantastic.

The unopenned box had held brush in hair dye and wigs, and Bella had artfully streaked Edward's copper hair blue-black. He was almost afraid to ask how she was so good at dyeing hair, but when he questioned her about it, Bella just smiled mysteriously.

Emmett was dressed similarly, but far less gothic and far more punk. In tight jeans, a t-shirt, converses, and a tie, Emmett still managed to look halfway comfortable.

Edward looked like he would soon be fit to be tied, and probably would have been yelling if it weren't for pride and Bella's prescence. The rest of the Cullens, however, were carefully staying out of immediate reach, he noticed. That probably started after Bella had forced him into a sailor suit.

"Can you make sure to print extra copies of all of these pictures, Esme? I think I'll need to start a photo album of my own... You know, for something to look at on rainy days."

Bella was looking thoughtful and mischeivious- _never a good combination,_ Edward mused. _Right about now would be a good time to suddenly start hearing her thoughts!_

"But Bella, dear, it's almost always raining in Forks," Rosalie drawled, and Bella grinned in response.

"Exactly."

* * *

_This is going from bad to worse,_ Emmett groused. Edward nodded in reply, and Bella poked him.

"Hold still. I really don't want to get this stuff in your eyes." Edward settled down obediantly, but sighed a moment later.

"I thought this was a dress-up thingamajig, not Halloween," Edward muttered at Bella continued to carefully apply glitter.

"It is, but we decided to make the most of this. Hold very still, I'm going to do a design under your eye and then we can attatch the ears and wings." _Oh, yeah, Jake's going to love that photo album,_ Bella thought. _And the copy of the tapes..._ They were at hour two and a half now, outfit four- Faeries.

Emmett was being decked out in pink, purple, and yellow, as a cute little garden faerie. A pink poet's shirt, shimmery violet dragonfly wings, loose reddish-purple pants, and yellow flowers made the majority of his costume. Alice and Rosalie were braiding more flowers in a high-quality, long blonde wig.

Edward, mercifully, was in rich browns and greens, black and deep blues, all accentuating the golden topaz of his eyes. The wings were navy and forest green, with splashes of silver and bronze; not quite bat wings but not quite bird's wings, either. Edward asked uncertainly what he was supposed to be when he'd seen them, and Bella explained that they were dragon's wings and he was an Unseelie Fae. He wasn't quite sure what that was, but Bella had started fussing with the folds of the shirt again, and he didn't have time to ask.

Alice was currently explaining to Bella, "If we're trying to humiliate the boys, you are focusing far too much on making Edward look 'cool'. Try for cute, or something equally feminine."

"But I like him with wings," Bella said. "And if I dressed him up as an angel, he'd start with the whole 'I'm a monster, Bella, don't forget that' thing."

"I would not!" Edward protested. Alice and Bella looked at him flatly, and he added, "Not much, anyway."

"Edward, would you and Emmett move a little closer to one another? I want to get you in the same frame for a bit before we go out to Esme and Carlisle." Jasper was motioning to them from behind the video camera. "Excellent. Okay, now pose like faeries!" Edward growled and would have attacked his brother, but Bella put a hand on his arm.

"Leave off, Jasper. That letter of apology is growing in length..."

* * *

The fifth outfit was a man's kimono. Edward didn't even want to speculate on what Alice had done to borrow it. The gi was composed of a pair of black pants, hakama, and an elegantly embroidered jacket called a haori. There were kanji on the lapel, and when he asked Bella if she knew what it meant, she told him to ask Alice.

After he finished dressing in the traditional Japanese garments, Edward looked at Emmett to see what new torture Rosalie had inflicted upon him. Edward just about died (again) upon seeing Emmett in what appeared to be a kilt.

Alice bounced over to help Bella secure the black wig and twist it into an interesting top-knot type thing. Bella used some kind of black pen to color his eyebrows the same ebony of the wig, and then Edward was strolling towards Emmett.

"Don't start," Emmett warned both his brothers as he fiddled with the kilt nervously. "Let's just get the damn pictures done, and then there's only one more of these to suffer through." And with that, Emmett stalked through the doorway to the living room with as much dignity as he could manage in a kilt.

* * *

Edward had seen the vision in Alice's head, but he hadn't believed it. They actually expected him to _wear_...? He snorted in disgust, and heard Emmett yell something about 'no way in hell was I'm wearing this', but in the end, neither he nor Emmett had a choice and they both knew it.

But there was something rather more humbling than just what he was being made to wear.

"Bella," Edward called through gritted teeth, "I can't do the laces myself. A little help, please?" He heard Bella gather something up, and then listened to her walk to the door. When she knocked lightly, he openned it enough to let her in but not enough to let his siblings see him.

Bella put down a curly red wig, more make-up, and a bonnet. She then turned to see what, exactly, Edward needed help with and snorted.

"Honestly, Edward," she said as she laced up the padded corset, "You didn't even get to the gown! Are you really this hopeless, or is it just because you're bitter about losing the bet?" Edward grumbled but didn't answer her. After Bella finished with the corset, she grabbed a rather frilly dress and pulled it over his head. Edward slid his arms through the sleeves unwillingly while Bella made sure all the bows were tied and tied the pale blue sash just above where the dress started to curve out like a bell, thanks to the petticoats.

Bella made Edward sit on the toilet so she could pin the red wig in place, and then she set about brushing on blush and lightly applying lipstick, mascara, eyeliner, and eyeshadow. When she was done, she grabbed the bonnet and plopped it on his head, making sure to tie it under Edward's chin.

Edward refused, point blank, to leave the bathroom. "I look like Little Miss Muffet," he huffed. Bella rolled her eyes and openned the door.

"It's better than Emmett's," she said. Edward frowned in disagreement until he saw what his brother was dressed as.

It looked like one of the school uniforms you saw in the anime series, with a blouse, tie, and mini-skirt. Edward wasn't sure _how_ they'd stuffed Emmett into it, but Rosalie had even managed to use cosmetics to keep Emmett from looking completely monstrous...

Key word being 'completely'.

Carlisle and Jasper were laughing their asses off when Bella lead Edward into the living room. The two laughed even harder when Emmett was pushed in by Alice and Rosalie. Esme snapped a whole camera's worth of film for this one, and Jasper looked about to burst from the emotions in the room- amusement, mortification, smugness, and vengefulness were the most prominent, but certainly not the only ones.

"Bella, here's the copies of the videos," Alice said. Edward attempted to snatch them from his sister, but both women shot him warning looks, and he backed off. "Jazz is copying the last one now, and writing that letter of apology. Esme said she'd have the pictures done by tomorrow- you said you wanted two copies of each, right?"

"Yup. Thanks, Alice. After Jasper's done, I'll run over to La Push and deliver the videos and letter."

"What about the second copies of the pictures?" Edward asked suspiciously.

"The one copy is for my album, the other will look absolutley beautiful in the album I plan on giving Jake for Christmas. Oh, there's Jasper with the 'mail'. Bye Edward!" And with that, Bella headed off to La Push.

* * *

It took a bit of convincing, but when Bella finally got the wolves to accept the package, she could tell they felt properly reimbersed. She could hear them howling with laughter ten minutes away from the border.

* * *

Oro: ... It's over... And at 11:20 Sunday night. Told you I'd finish it this weekend! Ha! ...zzzzzzzzzzz.  
Quill: Ignore her, please. Review, and remember this maniac doesn't own Twilight or its characters. She just happens to like torturing them.


End file.
